The argiopes are here, big and bold, black and yellow. They tell me the time; Summer's goodbye. They stitch the season shut. You see, Laura heads back to school on Friday. And the kids start on Wednesday, the feast of the Transfiguration.
The girls might be going back to school with their mama. We've discussed whether to keep them out for homeschooling again or to send them back and we're leaning toward sending them back. I don't know whether it's the best decision, but it's there. We're still waiting to hear whether the youngest girl can get into kindergarten, and we've decided it's an all or nothing affair. If they can all get in, so be it. If they can't, they learn here at home. I've been emotional about the decision, for a slew of reasons. I'm worried about my oldest, who we pulled out because of how difficult a time she was having. I'm worried that she's not ready for heading back, or that a traditional school is not fit for her. I'm worried that I'm giving a good to them when I could be giving better. I'm worried about moving Sophie back and forth, even though she's very excited about the prospect.
I like being such a large part of their day. I like pushing them and teaching them and having conversations with them. I'll miss them. Maybe that's the entirety of my problem. That, and I don't want to make a bad decision.
If they go back, I'll be here with the boys. I'll have more time to give to them. I'll have more time to clean and to write. And at the end of December, we're expecting another baby. The new baby will certainly require some of my day.
It's been a difficult week, wrestling with the decision to send them to school and hoping it is the right one. For me it's harder than for Laura - she'll be getting to spend more time with them as they'll be driving to and from school with her (40 minutes each way) as well as hanging out in her classroom after the school day is over.
In light of all this life holds for them, it is not perhaps so paramount a decision. But it does have my mind and my heart in a tangle at the moment. I would appreciate your prayers.