Friday, September 16, 2005

35

It is my birthday today. Celebrate with me! I am 35. Not young or old, 35. I'm happy being 35. 5s and 10s are good, round numbers. 35 beats 34 hands down.

Turning 35 is probably not much different than turning 30 or 68 or 22. I am still me. Though I still wonder sometimes what it is to be me, and what it means to be man-me. I thought it would be a more certain, a more sure thing, growing older. More knowing involved, I figured. But all the knowing only makes me know how little-knowing I am. And that's okay.

Life is not puzzle pieces waiting to be pieced together, but paints waiting to be painted with. It is not neat, but it is colorful. It is not precise, but it is perfect. There is a rightness about life that reveals itself in my children's smiles, my wife's love, and the change of seasons.

Let me tell you a secret: I have loved life. I have loved that even my imperfections and failures and sins have been used that I might better know and love people and better know and love God. I have loved being married to my wife. She knows me, and even in the knowing, she loves me. I have loved having children. It is difficult to express how much I have loved having children.

I love life.

Don't misread me: This world is full of tears. My world is full of tears. But right now, right now I feel as if joy (insurmountable, ineffable joy) will one day split me open, unveiling itself before an unsuspecting, tear-stained world.

10 comments:

Sherry C said...

Happy Birthday, Scott. Welcome to 35. It's not so bad. Not so bad at all.

Reid said...

Happy B'day, Scott! I count it a privilege to know you. You have a beautiful soul - thank you for opening it up for anyone to see.

Where do you think that feeling, "as if joy (insurmountalble, ineffable joy) will one day split me open," comes from? Doesn't this go against the grain from what most of our experiences tell us?

HAPPY-BIRTHDAY-BLOG said...

Congratulations from the HAPPY-BIRTHDAY-BLOG!
Hope you have a wonderful day! 35 is great!

Bruce L. said...

Happy birthday, Scott!
And many more!

Jamie Dawn said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I guess we both turned a year older last week. I agree with you. It's okay.
I'm saying that, and I just turned 42! Take it from me, going past 40 is not a big deal. I would rather be 32, but the hands of time don't go backwards, so 42 it is.
I hope your 35th year will be filled with continued joy, love, and blessings.

ross said...

Happy Birthday!!! 35 makes 30 seem not quite so bad!! :-) (Sorry!!!)

I've got some questions for you over at my blog when you get some time to answer them :-)

ScottB said...

A (belated) Happy Birthday! Hope it was most excellent!

Scott said...

Thanks, everyone, for the birthday wishes. It was nice - couple of books ordered from Amazon, some new music. Good times.

Andy said...

YOU SAY IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!?!? (riff) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA!!

Anna said...

That's beautiful.
I already know you had a happy birthday- with your positive outlook, you couldn't have had anything else.