Monday, July 18, 2005

The Rookie

Dumpster Diving is the newest in extreme sport. It requires stealth, planning, and a heavy dose of loopy. A headlamp is useful. Other important tools include repelling equipment and a nice pair of work gloves. A hoe (the garden variety hoe will do) can always be put to good use in a Dive. And knowing what Medical and Hazardous Waste symbols look like is handy information, especially for Rookie Divers. A six pack couldn't hurt, surely.

Dumpster Diving is not for everyone. It is not for me. I have a fear of needles and rats. And my weak stomach puts me last in the competition every time.

Dumpster Divers aren't elbowing aside teams of bag ladies and hoboes over half-eaten sandwiches (although if they're hungry and they've been diving for a couple of hours, there's no telling). They're elbowing them aside for chairs and computers and Pier 1 Imports' crap. I suspect that the bright lights and colors of eBay lurk somewhere behind the lunacy. And to think you pay for what these people get for free. Silly, silly, you.

Why pay for something when you can go out at the witching hour, crawl in and out of dumpsters, party with Doberman-size rats, and get it for free? That's the mantra anyway. Granted, it's a convincing argument. You decide. I was always taught to be wary of pyramid schemes and anything to do with garbage, but then my parents are just plain nuts.

A husband and wife become more and more like one another the longer they travel down the same road. Unfortunately for my wife, I'm half Polish. Therefore, she is a quick convert and a now-eager Rookie Diver - mostly due to the bad influence of the pastor's wife. After some intensive training courses, my wife's first Dive is tomorrow night after Bible study. An odd time, I thought. But what do I know, being Polish?

I know, you're wondering what my address is so you can send me money, but we're not that bad off. Hell, we are, but I wouldn't want any of you crazies out there knowing where I live.

I'll keep you posted on the Rookie Diver.


jaymarie said...

because it is late (i am not good with "late") and i don't actually know how to read, I read the second half of your post twice before I finally realized it said "diver" not "driver".
So sad.


Scott said...

That is sad, Jaymarie. In my next post, I'll throw in "black widow" occasionally just to keep you alert.

Meg said...

See, now, I always had a hard time with taking stuff from dumpsters because I figured that the whole fact that I had a roof over my head meant I should leave any random goodies for people who didn't. But my mom will grab stuff from alleys (she doesn't dive), and my friends do, too, so I'm becoming used to it.

alison said...

So what did she get?

Jamie Dawn said...

Can't wait to hear about it!
You said the H-word.

Lorna said...

is this for real?

haven't heard anything like this in Finland at least :( Most unwanted stuff here is taken to the ekotori (recycling centre and resold at nominal value) or the charity shops - money raised goes to Africa.

Now stuff they can't handle might go to the dump and some people must throw away, but I don't think there's much up from grabs for anyone. Maybe it's a sign that Finland isn't yet much of a consumer society - you can get things repaired quite easily here still though that is changing, - and there's a huge emphasis on return, reuse,recyle.