Friday, November 17, 2006

Evening (draft)

Leaves and frayed string race across the ground, distracted
By cars and transitory whirlwinds and chain-link.
A snake scribbles through gravel like a memory,
Writing something old and dusty, half-forgotten.

The sun shines on unaware and gold, distracted
By cars and cool water, by lipstick and chain-link.
From the porch I watch the sky slip into color
As sun and clouds conspire beauty. And the wind

Chases dead leaves in fitful bursts of curious
Distraction. My hair, old wire, plays gray while brown
Leaves huddle against the diamond hem of your fence.
I close my eyes imagining you, and I grieve.

4 comments:

Dan said...

I read the first version, and liked it, and I like this too, though the feeling is different now with the change from "I breathe" to "I grieve."

But perhaps your desired message of this poem is now more fully expressed...

Dan said...

Oh...and since you're soon to be on the road...is there a way we can be in contact, in case it does happen to work out for lunch?

Happy and safe traveling!

Scott Lyons said...

Dan, I'm back and forth on a few of the words/phrases in the poem. It's still needing some work, of course, but I like it. "Grieve" may be too definitive for what I'm currently looking for with the poem. We'll see - thanks for commenting on it.

Hey, I have your home number (ending in 43). I can send you my cell number or my parents' number, if you'd like. Not sure on your e-mail address, however, I still have the msu address - is that the correct one?

We'll be leaving Tuesday night and driving through the witching hours.

Scott Lyons said...

E-mail me at sweptover@gmail.com (or my other address if you have it).