I am tired of talking theology.
I speak with people who come from different traditions than my own faith tradition and it always seems as if there is no bridge where there ought to be bridges. It seems that many of us who love theology are more concerned with being right than righteous. And I am one of them (though less astute than most), making others feel as if they and their beliefs are somehow wanting.
I don't mean to. And I apologize for doing so. I try to walk the road of "Here is what engages and delights me about Catholicism" and I end up sliding a dusty toe onto the shoulder of "I know better than you."
It is not right.
I believe great things about Orthodoxy and Protestantism. I have been blessed by Protestantism, more than you can imagine. Since becoming Catholic, the Orthodox church has done little other than instruct me. But, Ah! I am Catholic.
Perhaps in conversion there is a natural tendency to be more critical of your former place than is reasonable. I don't know. But I do know that I have to wrestle with my pride as a Catholic as much as I did as a Protestant. I know that I still desperately need God's mercy. I know I am still desperate for Him.
And to those of you who will listen: Whatever the price of unity, I am willing to pay it.
So I get out of bed tonight because my soul is uneasy. I lay down a few words in search of rest: (1) Silence is almost always wiser than speaking. (2) The only apologetic is love.
3 comments:
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
This post rang my bell.
Will respond at greater length when I don't need to neducate my colleagues.
"Here is what engages and delights me about Catholicism."
That sums up the most painful part of my journey these days. No one wants to hear it who isn't a Catholic and I end up feeling like I'm keeping secrets by not sharing yet not up to getting kicked in the teeth again either.
Your conclusion about silence and love is getting printed out and put up on the wall above my keyboard. Good thoughts. I wish I didn't find them so hard to live.
you must have been in the throes of a heavy conversation that i somehow missed. it seems you have come away humbled and a bit bruised; you are an honorable dude for admitting same.
i get tired of theology and doctrine (as you can probably guess from my most recent post). i am a convert of 10, going on 11 years and these past two years i have been doing some pretty serious soul-searching about who i really am in Christ. i am a big baby, actually, who wants the best of both worlds (prots/caths) and probably won't stop until i find myself an accommodating place to help me with that.
it may only exist in cyberspace.
(i really just wanted to say thank you for this and that i understood...)
peace.
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