Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Rambling through the Ornery

72 degrees today - can you believe that? Humid from all the rain. I've been feeling ornery lately. If it's not one thing, it's another. I am overly critical and combative. No, no, it's true. My wife would say that's the status quo, but it's not. Depression is the status quo, ornery is me engaging. But that's me just being ornery and depressed. Joy is the status quo. Depression and orneriness just come with rain and friends moving out-of-state and doubts and wishing that Christmas break were here.

My last post is a nice little ornery rant. I like it. I like that it has some teeth. I even think there's some validity to what I have to say. But it is a rant and it doesn't cover every base - it isn't meant to. I actually really like the song too - just as my wife does. I just don't think it belongs on the worship roster. Enough said. Just me ranting and rambling and smoothing down the orneriness.

Today was an ornery day. But there was a lot of good in it too. A couple of things offhand: (1) We set up the Christmas tree last night. So all day today I've been seeing Christmas lights reflected in the dark eyes of my babies - talk about sublime. I wish I was a good enough photographer that I could get some pictures of it. I want to capture it. I don't want to let it go, or let it be. (2) Today I cooked a simple but good supper - pierogies with sauteed onions. I havn't cooked supper in so long, it isn't even funny. And I love to cook. I guess with all the cereal and macaroni-and-cheese . . . I don't know. I need to cook more adult meals though - for Laura and me.

Oftentimes, in the orneriness, in the frustration, I find myself saying, "I hate [fill in the blank]." Lately when I say this, I purposely reduce it: "I hate." "I hate" - ouch. We're not talking about broccoli either. We're talking about other drivers, you know - those stupid people that share the road with you. (Oops, I said the S word.) We're talking about little frustrations in my life, obstacles in my life, speed bumps, distractions. Anyway. There is hate in me. But there is something bigger than hate in me. There is someone bigger than hate in me. So hear it: I love. I LOVE! I love rain. I love people. I love my family. I love Jesus. I love. YAWP!

1 comment:

alison said...

One probably shouldn't blog at 3 in the a.m. but I am wide awake and the laundry is spinning and I remembered I left a comment saying that you are a v., v., bad man - maybe and haven't been back to play since.

Really feel this post.

Really.

I am certainly a feeling sort of girl, i.e. clinging to how I feel rather than, say, the truth. But I am learning to stand in the truth and make choices/declarations beyond my feelings.

And one of THE big truths is we get to choose love.

Thanks for posting - the rants and the love songs.