Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Shake It Up, Baby

Do you want to know a secret? I had a friend in college, we'll call him Charlie Brown, whose testicle twisted up on him - 720 degrees as a matter of fact. Half of the bugger spun around twice, in other words, resulting in abdominal pain like you wouldn't believe and creating a life-threatening situation. He had to be rushed to the hospital and have the testicle removed. His roommate and I went to visit him and, as the school nurse was coming out of the room, his roommate asked, "So, did you get everything straightened out?" We doubled up in laughter and have been making jokes ever since. Often we'd start humming, whistling, or singing "Twist and Shout" when he was with us in the weeks that followed. (How can something so bad feel so good?)

As Charlie Brown recovered, he asked the nurse if he would be able to have children with one testicle. Personally, I would be more concerned with being able to ever show my face again in public. But people value different things. The nurse assured him that he would have no problems.

And while we each had our own favorite theory about how and why it happened, the doctor told Charlie Brown that this sort of thing can occur willy-nilly. Scary. Who needs to be afraid of the bogeyman or the Count when you have something like this lurking in the back of your mind? So for the last 15 years, every odd ache or strange twinge in my groin always leads me down the road of panic: Is it my time? I wonder. Is one of them twisting? But it has not, not yet, been my time to sit down and cry.

(By the way, the last time I heard, Charlie Brown had three children.)

6 comments:

Sherry C said...

As a stay-at-home dad, you are often forced into the world of other stay-at-home parents, the majority of whom seem to be female.

You function quite well in that community. Not only do you intimately understand all of our child-rearing adventures, but but you have plenty of your own to contribute. Sometimes, you blend into the community so completely that gender seems almost irrelevant.

But it is posts like this one that remind me--you are so very much a guy.

Scott said...

Uh . . . sorry? rofl - I suppose testicular and lavatorial humor is solidly planted in Guy Camp. You'll have to bear with me and my occasional jaunts into Testosterton.

Wandering Willow said...

I've had 2 friends afflicted with this. I believe they both had it removed. Gross.

Jamie Dawn said...

Twisting testicles? As a woman, this doesn't sound that bad to me. I have no reference point from which to empathize. I'm thinkiing..."So one of them turned a little; so what?"

Just kidding. I'm sure it was excruciating.

Meg said...

Other songs to consider:

"Another one bites the dust"
"One love..."
Something by Twisted Sister, perhaps?
"Let's Twist Again"

I don't think it's just guy humour at all...;).

Scott said...

Good to hear it, Meg! And those songs have me howling. And in keeping with the Beatles' theme: "Dizzy Miss Lizzie" and "Hello Goodbye."