Ten Things That Make Me Laugh (and Cry) and Why

Rating Warning: Blog-14 [LSVD]

1. Flushable Butt Wipes: Though, admittedly, useful at times, butt wipes are a relatively new product on the market attempting to convince us that we have really smelly asses. I am reminded of the SNL skit/commercial for Ass-Don't-Smell, the aerosol butt deodorant.
2. Teeth Whiteners: Some of you people are burning holes in my retinas. Leave the bright-white for linens, Dogg.
3. Caffeine-free Mountain Dew: Okay, isn't the caffeine why we drink this stuff? Same goes for decaffeinated coffee.
4. Fat-free Dairy Products: I'd rather be jiggly.
5. ED Commercials: Four hours? Sign me up.
6. Gerber's Graduates and Finger Foods for Toddlers: Let my (little) people go!
7. Flying the Confederate Flag: Why do so many bedsheets in my town have holes in them? (It's not about heritage, people. It's about marginalizing, rather than loving, your neighbors.)
8. North Carolina Winters: Did I say winters?
9. Energy Drinks: I'd rather be sleeping.
10. Harry Potter Censorship and Book Burnings: Prevents our children from becoming practicing witches and, simultaneously, makes unbelievers slack-jawed at believers' excellent understanding of literature and its purpose. Good job, guys.