Thursday, November 10, 2005

Ten Things That Make Me Laugh (and Cry) and Why

Rating Warning: Blog-14 [LSVD]

  1. Flushable Butt Wipes: Though, admittedly, useful at times, butt wipes are a relatively new product on the market attempting to convince us that we have really smelly asses. I am reminded of the SNL skit/commercial for Ass-Don't-Smell, the aerosol butt deodorant.
  2. Teeth Whiteners: Some of you people are burning holes in my retinas. Leave the bright-white for linens, Dogg.
  3. Caffeine-free Mountain Dew: Okay, isn't the caffeine why we drink this stuff? Same goes for decaffeinated coffee.
  4. Fat-free Dairy Products: I'd rather be jiggly.
  5. ED Commercials: Four hours? Sign me up.
  6. Gerber's Graduates and Finger Foods for Toddlers: Let my (little) people go!
  7. Flying the Confederate Flag: Why do so many bedsheets in my town have holes in them? (It's not about heritage, people. It's about marginalizing, rather than loving, your neighbors.)
  8. North Carolina Winters: Did I say winters?
  9. Energy Drinks: I'd rather be sleeping.
  10. Harry Potter Censorship and Book Burnings: Prevents our children from becoming practicing witches and, simultaneously, makes unbelievers slack-jawed at believers' excellent understanding of literature and its purpose. Good job, guys.

7 comments:

alison said...

ED commercials? Help a girl out.

Scott said...

Erectile Dysfunction

Hey, Alison, remember "Le Rob"? I thought of that this week and started laughing about it again.

Jamie Dawn said...

Number 1 is a riot!! Tooooo funny!
I'm eagerly waiting for Nov. 18 and the new Harry Potter movie. I guess I'm going to hell.
I've read all the books, and I still can't cast a good spell!

alison said...

Oh My Gosh!

Only a couple innocent dopes could have come up with that. As my mom said, "I'm sorry Honey, but if they had to choose between you and Dan for coming up with that, I would blame you too." Super. I was either a Dirty Bird or a moron.

I was a moron.

see-through faith said...

all mad and laughing still :)

Dan "Le Rob" Mattson said...

If we were being dirty birds, it woulda been nice to know that we were being dirty birds. Oh well. We're were just maroons after all.

Who was on the Wheaties box? Anybody remember?

Dano

Scott said...

I can't remember the Wheaties box, just Le Rob. Did you and Alison suffer any unpleasant repercussions for the faux pas?